Clean Hands

I was reading Psalm 24 this morning. It is one of my favorite psalms. I love the way the words sound and the beauty of the repeated phrases. I was concentrating on verses 3 and 4.
"Who may ascend into the hill of the Lord? And who may stand in His holy place? He who has clean hands and a pure heart."
I looked up the Hebrew meaning for clean hands and found that it meant "unclenched." To have unclenched hands means you're not hiding something.  Unclenched hands are not formed into a fist, ready to stop an incoming blow. I clench  my hands when I'm in pain and am trying to endure it, I am definately not relaxed and at peace. To stand before someone with unclenched hands means:
 1) you have nothing to hide
 2) you are not trying to protect yourself.

Do I stand before God with clean, unclenched hands? I'm going to have to think about that. What a beautiful picture of absolute trust and transparency - unclenched hands.

Mother's Day

I was invited this past Mother's Day to speak at First Assembly Church in Calgary. It was wonderful to see my family and spend Mother's Day with my amazing mom. Here is the podcast of that talk on "What is Your Superpower?" <http://itunes.apple.com/ca/podcast/energy-part-1/id280583682?i=79971004>

The Beloved

I'm reading a great book right now - Henri Nouwen's "Life of the Beloved". In it he says : "The great spiritual battle begins - and never ends-with the reclaiming of our chosenness. Long before any human being saw us, we are seen by God's loving eyes. Long before anyone heard us cry or laugh, we are heard by our God who is all ears for us. Long before any person spoke to us in this world, we are spoken to by the voice of eternal love. Our preciousness, uniqueness, and individuality are not given to us by thouse who meet us in clock-time - our brief chronological existence - but by the One who has chosen us with an everlasting love, a love that existed from all eternity and will last through all eternity."  I'm practicing being the Beloved. It is hard to continually live there but I figure the more I practice, the more it will seep into the fabric of who I am.

Dancing with Daddy

Last night was the final Cotillion night for Vangie. Everyone got dressed up and went to the Broadmoor to display their new found social and dancing skills. It was adorable to see the fathers dance with their daughters and the moms dance with their sons. One of the songs they played was “I Loved Her First”. It is a song about a father watching his daughter and her new groom take their first dance at their wedding. Some of the lyrics go like this:         But I loved her first and I held her first
And a place in my heart will always be hers
From the first breath she breathed
When she first smiled at me
I knew the love of a father runs deep
And I prayed that she'd find you someday
But it's still hard to give her away
I loved her first

How could that beautiful woman with you
Be the same freckle face kid that I knew
The one that I read all those fairy tales to
And tucked into bed all those nights
And I knew the first time I saw you with her
It was only a matter of time
But I loved her first

Sigh. Dancing with your daddy.  Can you imagine yourself dancing with your Heavenly Father? Is that not what our life is? Through the heartache, joys, pain, and triumphs, our Father takes us in His arms and dances with us, if we let Him. I never had the opportunity to dance with my earthly father, though if I had it would have been sweet. I enjoy being twirled by my Heavenly Father as I surrender control and let Him lead. He is easy to follow and doesn’t mind the occasional misstep. And He can truly say that He loved me first.

What Super Power Would You Choose?

I spent 12 hours the other day with some really neat educators and parents choosing candidates for principal of an elementary school that is dear to my heart. During some down time I had a brief discussion with some ladies (hey Anita) about what super power they would choose. Two of the women said they would choose to be invisible, and the other said she would choose to fly. Being invisible. Hmmm. They wanted to have the ability to slip into rooms and listen in on others conversations without being detected. I said that I didn’t know what I would do with the information people would say behind closed doors. What if they talked about me unkindly, or had crazy views on things that would upset me? I don’t know how I would process that kind of information and think that it would be more trouble than it is worth. My other friend said she would fly, which makes sense because she has just overcome a fear of water and is now addicted to swimming. That is huge! She has just faced a fear, embraced it and defeated it. Fly on my friend, fly on! I thought my superpower would be something to do with being super brave, or super strong, or even better, super fearless. What would I do if I had no fears? Who would I be if I was afraid of nothing? I find the older I get, the stranger my fears are. I grew up in the frozen North and learned to drive in blinding snowstorms and skid successfully on ice. Now, I have lost, hopefully only temporarily, my mojo to drive in any type of precipitation. Weird. I never used to be like that. I don’t like to drive really at night either. It’s hard to see. So, I am choosing my super hero power to be fearless. How would that look given my relationship with the Lord? Would I be fearless to walk up to a stranger that looked distressed and ask them what I could do for them? Would I ask if I could pray for them? Would I do those things, say those things and be those things I feel Holy Spirit nudging me towards. Stay tuned.  What super power do you choose?

I am heavy laden

Ok, not so much the way you might think, but I carry a large purse that weighs me down. I remember going to see a chiropractor for an adjustment. He noticed my right shoulder was out and asked to see my purse (which I carry on that side). He told me it weighed too much. I got a smaller purse and downsized for a while but that didn’t last long. I upgraded to a good size purse and filled it with everything I thought I would ever need. If I was stranded somewhere, I could live off the contents of my purse. What does this say about me? I am prepared? I think of everything? In church the other day Holy Spirit pointed out my massive suitcase sized purse. I was reminded that Jesus told the disciples in Mark 6 not take anything with them when they went from town to town. They weren’t to take a bag, money, bread, or even extra clothes.  Seriously? How could I be expected to go on a trip with no luggage? That takes a lot of trust. Trust that God will provide everything for you – money, food, clothing, etc. I can’t even leave the house without all those things. I think the Lord is telling me to trust Him more. Trust that He will provide those things I need without me providing them for myself. Ouch. That’s out of my comfort zone. I guess I’ll have to trust Him, and get a smaller purse.

Dance On

On Friday, Evangeline and I had the privilege of watching as Hadley Rae McHugh put on her dancing shoes, left her wheelchair bound body and accepted the invitation to dance with the King of Kings. It was a holy moment. In a room filled with family, friends and angels the song played “oh Lord, You’re beautiful, Your face is all I see.” Hadley decided at that precise moment to slip into eternity where she no doubt twirled her way up to the Beautiful One and commenced to take her new legs and body out for a spin on the sea of glass.  She is free indeed. Her parents, brother and sister are brave, beautiful and transparent in their sharing of the bittersweet journey they walked for 12 years. It was such a privilege to see Hadley graduate. Heaven just got sweeter. Dance on Hadley, dance on.

Thoughts

I wrote this June 23 2010 at a personal retreat at the home of a dear friend trying to process my dad's death and figure out what to do next.

Kiss me awake
I am roused from foggy slumber to see the light of Your countenance.

Who am I
that You wait expectantly by my bed
sure that I will arise and pick up destiny
knowing I will awake and try on hope again for size.

You are my encourager
the One who rescues me when I don't know I'm lost,
thank you very much.

Heartache, dullness and sorrow have been my weary companions
You awaken joy, belief, inspiration and hope to take their place by my side.

I like your clothes much better.

Cotillion Bound

Well, this past Monday Vangie danced with a boy. She was wearing white gloves so there were no boy cooties exchanged. She learned the foxtrot, how to accept the invitation to dance from a boy a good head shorter than her, and that it is a good idea to remove your white gloves before eating a cookie. It was a full and prosperous evening. She'll go back next Monday and do it all again, maybe adding the waltz to her growing number of dance steps. Wish I could have done this when I was her age. Manner and poise is important, even if they are used  less frequently.  This week I'm going to practice kindness and see where it gets me. White gloves are optional.

Sweet Sleep

I've been thinking about sleep lately, or lack of it, now that we have a new puppy in the house. As a teenager and young adult I always found it hard to settle down when it came time for sleep. I might be missing out on something if I closed my eyes. My mind would race as I would think of all the things to do, people that needed fixing, worries about things I couldn't change with my worrying. I'm still like that but honestly now I'm so exhausted by the time I lay my head on the pillow that sleep comes easy for me. But, there is so much more to the 6-8 hours that we are horizontal in the middle of the night. I've just discovered these verses and I'm chewing on them.
Job 33:15 "In a dream or vision of the night, when sound sleep falls on men, while they slumber in their beds, then He opens the ears of men, and seals their instruction, that He may turn man aside from his conduct, and keep man from pride; he keeps back his soul from the pit, and his life from passing over to Sheol."
Wait a minute, He opens my ears and seals my instruction? I'll take that! Ministry from the Lord while I am unaware. Unearned and unpetitioned.
Psalms 16:7 says "I will bless the Lord who has counseled me; indeed, my mind instructs me in the night." Wow, learning without having to sit in a classroom! Psalm 17:3b says "Thou visited me by night." Psalm 127:2 "It is vain for you to rise up early, to retire late, to eat the bread of painful labors; for He gives to His beloved, even in his sleep." Ok, I have never put this all together. What does God do while we sleep? I'm rethinking my night time routine if I am preparing myself for a visitation that I don't remember when I wake. I've always thought that Zephaniah 3:17 ("The Lord your God is in the midst of you, a Mighty One, a Savior! He will rejoice over you with joy; He will rest (in silent satisfaction) and in His love He will be silent and make no mention (of past sins); He will exult over you with singing.") means He is singing over me while I sleep. I need more sleep because I need more God activity that goes on while I snooze. No time like the present - I think I'll take a nap.

"I believe courage is all too often mistakenly seen as the absence of fear. If you descend by rope from a cliff and are not fearful to some degree, you are either crazy or unaware. Courage is seeing your fear, in a realistic perspective, defining it, and choosing to function in spite of risks." Leonard Zunin

I think this year I am going to pretend to be the person I want to be until it becomes such a part of my nature that I will discover one day that I'm not pretending anymore. I wish to bid mediocrity goodbye and say hello to the woman that is the twinkle in God's eye. I think that is for now how I will practice courage.

Welcome 2011!

Well, one of my heart's desires has been to start a blog. Since it is the start of a new year, it seems like a good place to begin. I'd like to connect especially with the incredible girls I've mentored over the years and to be a source of encouragement to them as they continue their journey. Life gives us peaks, valleys, bumps and bruises but when there is a contingent of familiar faces calling your name and telling you that you can do it, it seems the road is not quite so difficult to navigate. My goal this year is to practice bravery. I am considering the question "What would you do if you knew you would not fail?" This is my year to begin some new things I've been too scared to do.  I know some of you will be in that sea of familiar faces that tell me that I can do it, that I am enough. Wanna jump? I'm taking that leap upwards.